The Shower Report: May 2011

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Mansion on O, Washington D.C.

When I left my apartment at the crack of dawn to watch the Royal Wedding at the Mansion on O, I had no idea what a boon it would be for the Shower Report! The Mansion is a hotel with 100 rooms, all of which were open to partygoers to watch the Royal Wedding. 100 rooms? 100 showers! And what showers they were!

http://www.omansion.com/hotel/

Wooden Shower, The Mansion on O

Lovely, but is it the best idea to keep books and art inside of a shower?

And, a shower with no curtain? Huh?

Elevated Telephone Booth Shower, The Mansion on O

I'm breaking all of The Shower Report rules for this one. Because, 3 pictures are needed to capture all that is amazing/confusing/dangerous about this shower.

• It is in a telephone booth
• That telephone booth is about 3 feet above the floor with no stairs or ladder
• Pull on the rail and out comes a set of steps! Hooray!

The Rainforest Shower, The Mansion on O

Never in my entire multi-month career of shower blogging have I encountered a shower that made me jump up and down and clap. It's that exciting! I have said that my own shower is the world's greatest, but it is not! The title belongs to this contraption.

The Rainforest Shower! It has a control panel!
• It's a shower!
• It's a bathtub!
• It's a whirlpool!
• It's a sauna!
• It's a tanning bed!
• It has a porthole so you'll feel like you're in a boat!

And, even with all this, you'll notice that it only has...1 knob!

Too many knobs shower! The Mansion on O

10! At least 10! I complain about 2. 10! Where do you even begin?

The shower against which all other showers will be judged

This is the shower in my circa 1960’s studio apartment in DC. It was built in a time when people didn’t let aesthetics get in the way of a good shower. When water pressure was something everyone believed in. When people had a healthy fear of danger, leaving bathtub walls low, hand grasps ready, and bathtub floors a little bit bumpy. When being prepared was valued, and like an aquatic nuclear shelter, showers held every type of shampoo, conditioner, razor, soap, shower gel, exfoliant, loofah, shower puff and wash cloth one might possibly need during one’s time in the shower.

But now, things are different. Modern hotel showers may look good, but danger, inefficiency, and creepiness can lurk behind any trendy curtain/door/wall/half-wall. In TSR, I travel the globe with my high showering standards and report back so you know what shower awaits you.

I take the following factors into consideration

Water pressure—Can I rinse away shampoo and conditioner in a reasonable amount of time? Does the soap fully rinse off?
Water direction—Can I get out of the way of the water when I need to, or is it on me at all times, removing any carefully applied conditioner applications or shave gel? Can I ease my way into the shower at first, or is it in my face immediately?
Effort—Am I expected to hold my own showerhead while I’m showering? Really? Do you know how busy I am in there?
Safety—Am I going to trip on the ledge of the tub and die alone naked in a hotel bathroom? Is there adequate lighting for safe shaving? Is the tub angled in such a way that I need to balance even while just standing? To get to the shower, do I need to trek across a field in the darkness, risking attack by rattlesnakes or black mambas?
Storage—Is there room for my smoothing shampoo, volumizing shampoo, regular conditioner, intense conditioner, soap, razor, back-up razor, and loofah in the shower? What about my roommate’s stuff? Can I keep my soap relatively dry while showering, or will it be fully eroded during my stay at your fine establishment? Can I grab my towels (2 minimum!) from the shower?
The Ick Factor—Is the shower curtain touching me? Is there soap scum or mold? Is the shower floor dirty, or is that the remnants of my spray tan?
Modesty—Can I shower without my roommate seeing me naked?
Creepiness—A special category related to insects and religious paraphernalia.

The Shower Report